A bird in the hand.

There is a secret to maintaining a happy long lasting relationship and I’ve searched for many years to find out what it is. I’ve conducted my own research by asking couples I know who have been successful in this area and I’ve heard a variety of answers. “Communication is the key” or “having similar interest is necessary” are a couple of tips I’ve been told. However, there is one common theme that always comes up among these couples and it’s about S.E.X.

The advice around this topic varies but overall, I’m told, it should be fun, adventurous (whatever that means) loving, romantic and at times spontaneous. Now, let me be clear – my husband and I have no issues in this area. I’m simply a believer in continuous learning and self-development as is my husband. With that in mind, I suggested he and I visit a local store that specializes in, well, I’ll say it, toys. So, we go.

As we walked into the “Love Shack” I had mixed feelings, somewhat embarrassed and somewhat interested. Various lingerie and outfits are displayed on the walls, videos are abundant and an entire section is devoted to BOBs (Battery Operated Boyfriends – if you get my drift). I don’t know why, I found it strange to stand beside my husband and peruse the aisles so I suggested making this adventure fun. We would shop separately with each of us picking out items that we felt the other would enjoy or appreciate trying. We would also pay for our items separately in an effort to surprise each other later. So off I go.

I don’t know about most women but I have to say there are some sexual toys out there I didn’t know existed. Some looked quite painful and others made me laugh. I mean really, how would your husband react if in the middle of “it” you pulled out a rubber chicken, (which by the way comes complete with it’s own lube, batteries and OMG it “clucks” too) and said, “hey baby, look what I have for you”. No offense to those of you who by chance have this device.

Once our shopping adventure is over we leave with our hidden secret surprises in separate bags to be “revealed” at a later time to each other. I have to say I was intrigued and nervous at the same time.

Fast forward to the big “reveal”…

OMG. Let’s just say my husband is a F.R.E.A.K. I learned a lot about this man as he pulled his items out of the bag and in fact with all he purchased I think we can open our own “Love Shack” store now. There were items I recognized but many others I did not. Some toys were questionable and others were just gag type purchases like the tiny GI Joe plastic doll that drops his fatigues when you turn a knob on his back. I ask him what exactly were we going to do with GI Joe and he tells me, "Nothing, I just thought it was funny". After he finished describing each item in great detail, including reading me instructions (Can you believe it? Instructions!) He says in great anticipation, “Your turn. What did you buy for me”?

I reach into my bag and pull out this beautiful, 20-inch bright red feather used to discover those sensitive spots by gently guiding over ones’ body. Before I can describe its use he looks at me and says…

“You bought a quill pen? What are we going to do with that? Sign the Declaration of Independence?”

Just lovely.