What Lies Beneath

Most first dates are typical. Once you meet a new man and agree to a date it usually comes down to going out to dinner somewhere with him. I had no problem with this ritual because not only do you enjoy a nice meal, you also have the opportunity to get to know each other through conversation. If the relationship doesn’t work out, you still get a nice meal. You win either way.

Some men will surprise you though and really put forth an effort to think of something fun and different for the first date experience. My female friends agree these creative and considerate men are normally the ones who will get a second date if in fact there is a connection. It’s pretty simple. As women, we can’t wait to see what idea they’ll come up with for the next time.

I recall a first date I had that was a bit out of the norm. He asked me if I would be interested in spending the day waterskiing. As a lover of all water sports I quickly accepted and showed up on a Saturday excited to spend the day on the river with him and a few friends of his.

The day was beautiful and the water calm as I zipped down the river. I’m fairly certain I impressed him with my ability to slalom without falling for a long period of time. It was now his turn. As his friend took over driving the boat, my date proceeded to ready himself to jump in the water. As he pulled off his t-shirt I couldn’t help but notice the three rather large round scars on his belly so I inquired. His response:

“During a heated argument with my ex-girlfriend, she shot me. I was being an asshole and I deserved it”.


Just Lovely…

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

I grew up during a time when dancing was considered the thing to do. Each night of the week there was a different nightclub to go to, with each place having some kind of event. For example, I recall Tuesday night being Tequila night for .50 cent a shot. Wednesday was line dancing to country music and Thursday was disco night at a place where the floors would light up. I loved it.

With each place I partied, I had a different set of friends to party with and each group was different than the next. I met so many people and learned many new dance moves. It was exhausting for certain, as staying up late; dancing and drinking would cause me to have hangovers at work the next day. It was worth it.

I do remember a man, Ken, from one of the nightclubs who was a part-time dance instructor. He was the best dancer in the city and it didn’t matter what style of dancing, he could do it all. In his leather dancing shoes he was very smooth on his feet. He was an attractive, well-dressed Italian man, tall and lean. He reminded me of John Travolta in the movie "Saturday Night Fever", especially his beautiful jet black hair. I was interested.

As we got to know each other at the nightclub, he invited me to stop by the dance studio and take a couple of lessons with his class. I decided to take him up on his offer as I thought this would be an opportunity to get to know him better, especially outside of a nightclub. On a Wednesday evening I showed up and approached the door. I could hear the music blasting throughout the studio so I walked on in. There in the middle of the studio dance floor was Ken dancing alone in front of a wall of mirrors. Startled, he turned to me said, “What are you doing here? I thought I had locked the door. The class isn’t until tomorrow night!” I apologized profusely, turned and walked out disappointed.

Ken wasn’t wearing his toupee.


Just Lovely…

Peek-a-boo, I Saw You

The company I work for requires extensive background checks for employment consideration. I remember the day I had to be fingerprinted, drug tested and have my credit report reviewed. It did feel like an invasion of privacy but I learned to understand that these types of check-ups help the hiring company to determine what kind of employee I would be. From these, they will know if I’m trustworthy, if I’m a criminal and whether or not I’m a responsible adult who pays her bills.

This makes me wonder, as women, why can't we be more diligent in investigating the men we date? Partially, it's because we don't have some type of National Boyfriend Database (NBD) we could easily access and thus find out all we need to know about our potential boyfriend. Imagine the time, effort and heartache we would save ourselves.

I recall one of my dearest friends being so excited about the new man in her life. On the surface, it appeared they were made for each other. He was attentive, caring and funny – three qualities she really looked for in boyfriends. For the better part of three months, the two of them were inseparable and getting very close to the “I love you” stage of the relationship. I couldn’t have been happier for her until I had to tell her…

I found his photo on the Sex Offender Registry


Just Lovely...

Age Is Just a Number, or Is it?

I recently read that a whopping 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men. I’ve also learned that women who fall into this category are referred to as “cougars”. Most women I know have at one time or another dated younger men, and I do have girlfriends who are married to younger guys. I think the success of these types of age differences really depends on the compatibility of the couple. I believe there still has to be some commonalities for long-term successful relationships such as similar or same hobbies or other things. Personally, I never had much luck with younger men and have only dated a handful. In my experience the thing that caused problems with the age difference was maturity – or lack of it on their part.

I found myself smitten with one “cub” in particular for about two weeks one summer. I’ll call him “Tom” because he was a dead ringer for Tom Cruise. I am not the only person who thought he was a look-alike and over the course of two weeks, I can recall at least 5 or so people saying the same thing. I remember one young woman even asking him for his autograph, as she was sure he was the real Tom Cruise. To my horror and embarrassment, he actually gave her an autograph.

In an effort to impress me, he made reservations at a somewhat expensive restaurant in town. I must admit I was uncomfortable as I did feel the eyes of judgment on me during our entire meal. I found myself thinking, “Look at these people, staring at us. I’m sure they are thinking Oh how nice, Mom is taking her son out to dinner”.

When we finished our meal, the check came and he proceeded to stand up, reach deep into the front pocket of his trousers to locate his money. At the table, in front of everyone he counted out $87.00 in cash. Four tens, Three fives;

And Thirty Two one-dollar bills.


Just Lovely…

In Thirty Minutes Or Less

Women tend to have a close girlfriend or two that know pretty much everything about them. These kinds of relationships are priceless and I am blessed to have such women in my life. With these friends I share my most private, secret thoughts and I know there will be no judging. These are the ladies in my life who have seen me do the “ugly cry”. With these friends I’m not afraid to tell them my true and actual weight. They know me and they know my soul.

One would think who better to rely on to fix me up with a blind date. Surely, because of this intimate relationship, these girls know my likes or should I say “my requirements” of good dating qualities in men.

I took a chance, once, to allow a girlfriend, my former roommate to set me up with a man she thought would be perfect for me. Apparently, she knew him through her job in the Air Force. Naturally, I asked a million questions – is he handsome? What is his rank? Is he funny? She answered me with – “very attractive, training to be a pilot, with a sense of humor like no other”. This affirmed that this is one guy I need to meet.

When Saturday night rolled around I admit I was excited to finally meet “Pilot Man” and my roommate was just as excited to finally introduce us. I knew she would stay up waiting patiently for my return and would want to hear how the evening went. She helped me pick out the right outfit, she gave approval of my makeup and I was ready.

I was putting on my finishing touches when the doorbell rang. My roommate yelled up the stairs to let me know she would answer the door and invite him in. I came down the stairs and turned the corner to find an attractive, well-dressed man standing in the kitchen. Although he arrived late, he apologized, stating that he had just come from working his part-time job. The three of us enjoyed a glass of wine and finally “Pilot Man” suggests it is time to go. He leads me to our front door and I walk out onto the sidewalk. To my utter disbelief and surprise, there sitting in my driveway was his car.

An old, dirty Toyota Camry with a Domino’s Pizza sign attached firmly to the roof.

Just Lovely…

Good Moaning To You

I am a dog lover, at least on most days. Our dog has been with us for nearly ten years and she is very much a part of the family. She is not the nicest dog, at least to strangers and in fact has a barking problem. She will bark and moan at anyone walking down our street in front of our house. On numerous occasions the neighbors have called late in the evening to ask if I could take care of the problem. It seems my dog’s barking has been waking the neighbors daughter at night and I can understand their frustration.

To solve the problem I purchased a bark collar and it is working. This handy gadget is strapped around her neck and if she barks it produces a very slight jolt that stops the noise. With the collar on I haven’t had any complaints from the neighbors.

My 18 yr old daughter isn’t too pleased with the dog having to wear the collar. As much as I’ve discussed with her the need along with the research that doggie isn’t hurt by it, she still secretly takes the collar off from time to time as she did last night.

When I confronted my daughter about leaving the collar on, I again described the need to keep the dog quiet. I explained my embarrassment of having the neighbor call yet again and also reminded her that with the collar on, all of us could sleep better at night with no noise. Her response:

“The dog sounds aren’t the noises waking me up at night, your moaning is. You should consider wearing one of these collars."

Just Lovely…

I Gotta Good Buzz

When you are used to living alone for any period of time and then find yourself either moving in with someone or having them move in with you, there are always dilemmas. For example, you have to decide how you will split up closet space or which bathroom shelves are his and which are yours. It’s tough for both people really, because for the person who has been the “shelf owner” he/she has to relinquish a place most familiar. The person moving in, on the other hand, has to become familiar with all the new surroundings. There is a fair amount of change for both parties.

When my significant other (SO) moved in with me, one of the first dilemmas to work through was figuring out which side of the bed we each would own. This was particularly hard for me as I normally sleep spread eagle across the entire bed. Having to now limit myself to a few feet would take time for me to get accustomed to.

Dresser drawers, however, were much easier to negotiate. He really only needed to have two, one for socks and one for underwear. I could live with combining some of my clothes to accommodate.

The bedside dresser had really been the only pain point because I only had one. On top it held the lamp, my alarm clock, telephone as well as other personal items in the drawers. He in turn had nothing on his side of the bed to keep his necessary items organized. Although I was not able to find a matching dresser for his side of the bed, I did purchase a bedside table that I felt would meet his needs and at the same time match the bedroom furniture. Problem solved, so I thought.

After a few months of quiet frustration, my SO finally mentioned it was time to find a real bedside dresser for him, one with drawers. I found his request hard to believe since I was certain the bedside table was a perfect solution. When I asked him why he needed his own dresser his snarky response was:

“I need a place to store my vibrators too”.

Just Lovely…